Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
