At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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