I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
