just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
