I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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