Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
