I think I am morally bankrupt
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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