i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
