im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
