even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I want a musical about memes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
