i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
