i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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