She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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