You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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