i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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