Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
