happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
