I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
