I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
