we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
