omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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