she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
