I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
