Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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