Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
