If i come over, it means nothing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
