what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
