: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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