you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
