is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
