hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
