she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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