I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
