All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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