This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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