i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
