the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
