so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
