I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
