You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
