Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
