yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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