I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
