btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
