3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
