dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
