I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
