dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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