A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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