Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
