I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
