He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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