She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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