I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
